Not An Actual Book
I got a call from Staples on Friday. “Mrs. Miles? I’m sorry, we need to change the binding on your pages. Would that be okay?”
“Yes, that’s fine. No problem,” I said. Please don’t read it, I thought.
When you write a book, you think you’re going to want everyone to read it. How magical that would be, to have the world talking about your work! Sure. Until you send it off to the printer and realize that this thing you’ve created and edited and torn apart (and put back together) exists in real life. Someone might see it. Someone might read it.
Isn’t that why I printed it? Of course. Is it finished? Probably not, but having the pages in my hand bound like an official document makes me feel something…accomplishment? I guess. Fear? Also yes.
I read the first chapter holding the book in my hand instead of scrolling my computer screen. I hated it. And then I loved it again. I decided my readers would hate it, though, because my love for it must be borne from effort and time and nothing else.
I was astonished at its thickness and weight. Had I done all of that? I checked the font size. Twelve point. It’s true, it’s double-spaced for editing, but also printed front and back on 8.5” x 11” paper.
My kids saw it. “Is that your new book?” they asked. “Yep. See my name is on the front page,” I said. I felt like a liar. “It’s just a print for editing and beta readers. It’s not an actual book yet.” They asked what I was making for supper.
I gave my husband a copy. I regretted giving my husband a copy. He’s a very good reader and a reliable critic. His copy is sitting in the exact position it was two days ago. He hasn’t read a word. He hates it, or the idea of it. Has he even thought about it since leaving for his out-of-town work trip?
What if this book in its current state is as close as it gets? Maybe that’s the real fear; this could be as far as we go.
OMG! I can so relate to this post!
I printed my last book out and it was 500 pages, exactly. Yes, a REEM of paper, front and back!
I did read it and it was a LOT easier to see the "issues" in print (my trusty red gel pen and highlighter in hand) than it is on the screen. Personally, I tend to gloss over them on the screen.
Waiting for that first review to come back - at least to me - is frustrating. I have a friend, Shay, who reads all my stuff. Sometimes before I put it in print. She finds things I miss. I had not thought of getting it bound at Staples though, I just may give that a go.
Thanks