QueryWork: An Author's Submission
The Hound’s paid subscribers and I had the opportunity to review a brave volunteer’s query draft through a recent QueryWork submission post. The author has agreed to let me share the work we did to revise the query. I’ve created some screenshots with the feedback provided and some helpful explanations where needed. Please comment below if you’re interested in participating in this kind of workshop.
A few things to keep in mind:
Queries are hard. While there is a certain formula you can follow to write a good query, much of the work will depend on things out of your control. Has the agent had a good day? Is the agent up to their neck in queries and unable to give yours the attention it deserves? Do they already have manuscripts in their queue with similar plots? Is your query well done, but the industry is saying “pass” on your type of story right now? Etc….
This author’s query isn’t personalized to a particular agent. Like most of you, the author is aware of the need to indicate research on the agent’s list, wants and don’t wants, and or agency information. If the author follows an agent on Twitter, for example, and feels like an agent’s recent tweet is relevant, the author would tie it into the query. So, the query will change slightly depending on the agent.
Remember that some agents have assistants whose primary job is to thin the herd. You’ve got to be compelling enough to make it through Round 1.
Again, queries are hard. I am working on my own query, too, and realize that this critique group is not made up of professional query reviewers. We are writers trying to help other writers with what we’ve learned through our own research and experience. SO…don’t be a jerk in the comments.
If you keep reading, you’ll see that the author chooses to move the word count to the bottom of the query. I think that’s a good idea. While it is important information, it’s not attention-grabbing. The more real estate you take up in the first paragraph with your hook, the better.
Be careful with providing information that can be inferred. It takes up space, sounds bland, and the agent will want to take a fork to their eye.
Whether we like it or not, comparative titles are probably the second most important part of the query behind the hook. Why? Because comps tell the agent:
you’ve researched your genre and know industry standards
you’re a reader
about your personality (maybe)—comping Stephen King isn’t a good look. He’s too famous and too profitable. The agent may think, “Who does this writer think he is?”
and depending on how the comps are worded, gives the agent a feel for your MS. Are you comparing the tone, plot structure, setting? Comps round out the picture the agent is forming about your MS. That’s also why it’s a good strategy to have comps toward the end of the query; although, it’s not required if you’ve got a banger of an opening including comps.
The agent should be able to tell who the story is about by reading the hook.
Try to find ways to tell what the story is about without too many sentences. Sometimes all you need to do is combine or reword what you have.
Questions in a query? I’d say no. I think it comes off as trying to incite curiosity when the reader should get an indication of the conflict and wonder about how it will turn out in a more organic way—that is to say, in a “not forced” way.
Be clear in the hook. Having trouble? Write “This is about…” and list what you think your story is about. Try to take your list and turn them into one-to-two sentences. Then, cut the fluff.
I know, I know. Diane Chamberlain is a well-known and prolific writer. This is a judgment call. I think it’s fine because this author is a NC writer as is Chamberlain and Chamberlain’s books often take place in NC. This gives an idea of the setting. More importantly, I think readers of women’s fiction know who she is, but not all fiction readers will.
The rule is at least two comps, maybe three.
Lastly, the agent wants to get a sense of who they might be working with. Even if this is your debut, you have to find something to add that will spark some interest (kudos if you can tie something about yourself to the novel’s plot—the author’s family history, for example).
Agents are in charge of selling your book. They are thinking MARKETING all the time. Is this book sellable? Are you as an author (cringe) marketable? Think of it as an audition or the review on Amazon at 2 AM. Your prospective agent is tired and mind-numbed. Your query needs to be the oversized air fryer the agent can’t pass up because of what it promises to do.
Click to find out more about QueryWork.
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